No One's Gonna Love You
by titch19
Summary: This is how I wish it would go from 4.11 onwards. MD, but doesn't seem it at the start. Enjoy...updated
1. Chapter 1

_right, so this is my first Grey's fanfic...um, I hope you like it. Basically, if I was the brains behind the show, this is where I'd take it after 4.11. Unfortunetely, I'm not, nor do I own it, so I doubt it'll go in any way like this._

**No one's gonna love you**

The hospital was quiet. This day was quiet day. And everybody knew that was not a good thing. At the pit of everybody's stomach was the fear that came with the knowledge that at some point today they were all going to be paged and called to some big emergency. And they knew this because this day was a quiet day.

Big emergencies, what a normal person would refer to as big emergencies, actually come in all shapes and sizes. First there is big emergency type A. Type A usually involves at the most 8 people, at the very most, and they are friends or relatives. Something will have gone wrong at some kind of event and most of them are severely injured. But only people from this group of friends or family are involved. Then there is big emergency type B. Type B involves strangers, people who have maybe past each other on the street once or twice or happen to always shop at the same grocery store at the same time but don't know each other. This is usually some type of car crash but one can't rule out train crash, plane crash or, as already seen by these doctors, boat crash. Strangers, random civilians, will be involved but that is it. Only in Type C are the doctors themselves brought into the mix and put at risk or harmed themselves. And type C is, by far, the worst type. Unfortunately, Seattle Grace had experienced type C and, unfortunately, it was about to experience it again. But that was only just the beginning and, for these two, without type C, they might have never found their way again.

The cafeteria was always full on a quiet day because everybody had pretty much nothing to do. Maybe round on some patients, check some post-op, do the odd minor procedure, do some charts; these were what a quiet day involved until it ended and chaos ensued. And so everybody took as much time as possible for lunch and they were going to enjoy it.

Derek wasn't really enjoying his lunch though. He had wanted to get some paper work done but Rose had come and sat down and he couldn't. She wasn't very good at reading him and couldn't tell that he wanted some "alone time".

"So…dinner tonight?" She asked as she reached over to his plate and forked herself a big bit of his salad…without asking.

He nodded and gave a little smile while watching her eat his food. He wasn't quite sure if they were at the stage where he was Ok with her taking his food without asking…or with asking really. He wasn't a big food sharer, bar candy, of course. If something comes in packets of ten, you're meant to share. If something comes on your plate, not in a packet in any shape or form, you have to really love someone if you're going to let them have some…with asking. At least, that was how he saw things.

Suddenly, his pager went off. And then another doctor's on the other side of the cafeteria. And then another, and then another, and another, and another. Within a minute, it was as if all the pagers in room were beeping in chorus, or trying to.

"What's happened?" Rose asked as he, and all the other surgeons and doctors, stood up.

How would he know? All he knew was that it was "A quiet day" he muttered as he ran off. He was surprised that she hadn't picked that up yet, having now been here long enough to scrub in on 40, as she had chimed yesterday, of his surgeries.

"What's the situation?" He asked the Chief as he ran into the ER.

"A building downtown has collapsed" the Chief replied, "We've already got some of the residents and a few interns going out there…you need to be ready and make sure all your non-emergent cases are doing well…it's going to be the most we've had since…"

"Since the boat crash?" Derek finished for him

The Chief nodded and felt a little stupid for bringing that up. He knew that Derek didn't like to talk about that day; nobody did.

This reminded Meredith of the day she almost died. The ambulance shook in the same way that it did on the way to the docks. She, Alex, Bailey, George and Izzie were all in the ambulance then…and now too. So she had that feeling at the bottom of her stomach; the feeling that had tried its hardest to get her to stay in bed the day she almost blew up and the same feeling that made her feel like it was alright not to bring her head out of the bath-tub water the day she almost drowned at the docks. She most definitely believed in medicine but she also most definitely believed in feelings.

When they stepped out of the ambulance, at first they could barely see anything. The big cloud of dust that was still coming out the collapsed building made everything a little blurry and it took some getting used to. But then, there it was. Destruction everywhere. Blood on everybody. Some people were lying on the ground, unable to get up, some not moving. Others were trying to help themselves or a friend or stranger.

Immediately, they began doing their job. Izzie went over to a small boy. George found himself an old man. Bailey attended to a young woman.

But all Meredith could see was the people that were standing close to the rubble. Some were officials and some weren't. They were by an opening into the building, trying to make it bigger and it looked like they were going inside. She grabbed Alex's arm and pointed, "They might need help" and her desire to help others blocked out the feeling.

"We're doctors" Alex said as they got to the group of firemen, "Do you need any help? Are you bringing people out? We can help with them if you do"

The firemen looked at each other and sighed.

"We need people to go in and help the people stuck inside…some are unconscious" One of them said

Alex looked at Meredith, "We can't do that…endangering ourselves was not in the job description"

"You should have read the small print" Meredith told him, "And have you learnt nothing since we've been surgeons or did my two close encounters with death pass you by as you were banging nurses?"

Alex frowned and ignored her comment, "No way… I'm not doing it"

"We have to help them…they could die"

"And so could we" Alex told her aggressively

"I've got nothing to lose" Meredith replied in a low tone, "Nothing…so I'm going in"

And with that she took one of the two helmets one of the firemen had been holding out and went in with one of them.

Alex sighed. He looked over at where the others were and was tempted to do something. He saw another ambulance arrive and Cristina get out. He almost called her name but saw her run to some kind of injury that, from where he was standing looked, most likely, aortic. And then he realised that if somebody was going to watch out for Meredith, it was going to be him. He took the other helmet and followed the second fireman to go in.

As Meredith slowly moved her way, almost on her hands and knees, beneath the rubble to where the man in front of her was moving and to where she could hear the groans of the few injured who were conscious, she wasn't afraid. Two months ago she had been terrified when she climbed into that upturned ambulance but now…nothing. And she knew why. She had nothing to lose. Because everything she could have lost has already been lost because of a stupid kiss and a stupid nurse and a stupid set of house plans and a stupid problem with abandonment and a stupid wife/OB-GYN and neo-natal surgeon and a stupid fear of loving him and losing him. It was kind of ironic. How she was afraid of both loving and losing him and how both those fears had lead her to losing him while still loving him.

Realising that she was, once again, thinking of him, she tried to clear her head. But instead of gaining clarity, she felt woozy.

"Woah" she said and stopped

"Mer, are you Ok?" Alex called from behind

"I…I don't know" she replied, "Give me a minute"

She stood, crouched because of the conditions, still and took a few breaths. Eventually, she felt a little more stable.

"I'm alright now" she said, wondering what that just was.

"Ok" the fireman behind her said, "Can you press on?"

She nodded and took another step forward.

Suddenly, she heard dust falling from above and looked up. As rubble started falling from above, all she could think of was what she was going to lose and how maybe there was such a thing as another chance. And then there was darkness.


	2. Chapter 2

_right, so there's this bit in this chapter which is sooooo unlikely but then again, my dad's a surgeon and he's NEVER heard of a hemespherectomy (cutting out half a kid's brain), so basically bear with me_

For the rest of his life, Alex Karev was never going to remember how he got Meredith out. As much as he had tried to remember, he couldn't. And then after a while, he decided that he didn't want to remember anyway. His memory from then onward jumped to when he was in the ambulance, checking her pupil reactivity and other things. The minute that they arrived at the hospital, the Chief and Sloan were helping him take her to an exam room and get all her information before Shepherd found out. At some point in this mess, Bailey came in and started to help too. Somebody made the comment that too much shit happened to her and he agreed, they all did.

When the CT and films came back, the only injury was to her brain. The Chief held up one of her films and sighed. "There's only one surgeon in this hospital that can help with this"

"Who?" Bailey asked, even though they all knew the answer already.

"Shepherd" The Chief muttered and wiped his forehead on his arm, "And if he finds out that she is hurt, he'll be in no fit state to operate on anybody, let alone her"

"In fairness, Sir, they aren't together anymore" Alex added

"Karev, you know that whether they are together or not has nothing to do with how they feel…they are in love today as they were the last time something like this happened to her" Bailey told him, and then added, "Fool"

The Chief sighed again, "If she has any chance of surviving, he needs to operate…"

"But he won't be able to once he finds out" Sloan reminded him

"Unless he operates without knowing it is her" Alex suggested

"Don't be so stupid, how can he operate on her without knowing it's her?" Bailey turned to him

"We would have to cover her face" The Chief murmured as he thought this through

"And shave her head before he does before cutting into it" Mark added, "He'll recognise her a mile away if not…he loves her hair"

The Chief said nothing and everybody watched as he mentally worked his way through this. Then he said, "It might work…it might just work"

Bailey moved over to Meredith and stroked her hair gently. "We have to give her every chance we can…she needs this"

The Chief nodded and looked at her, "She does need this and she needs it now" he looked up, "Prep an OR, find something to cover her face and make sure she goes down on the board as Jane Doe"

XXX

Derek was finishing scrubbing out of craniotomy when Alex rushed in with a film.

"Dr Shepherd, we have a Jane Doe who needs you to operate asap" he said

"Can't one of the other neuro guys do it? Contrary to popular belief, I'm not the only one at Seattle Grace…just the head…and the best" he chucked and then looked at Alex and the serious expression on his face, "Show me the films"

Alex handed them over and Derek held them up to light.

"Ok, I am the only guy who can operate on her" Derek agreed, "Has an OR been prepped?"

"Yeah, OR 2" Alex told him, "She's ready right now"

"Right, well, let's go scrub in…I assume you want in?" Derek asked as they left OR 1's scrub room and made their way to OR 2

Alex actually didn't know. Normally, he'd had given a "That'd be great" or something along the same line almost immediately but this wasn't just any old patient, it was Meredith. But then he realised that if he wasn't in there, watching over her, he'd be far too worried to do anything else. "Yeah, I'd like to scrub in" he answered, "Thanks"

As they scrubbed in, Derek looked through the glass. "Why's her head already shaved?"

"Err" Derek looked at Alex expectantly, "It was like that before…weird, huh?"

"Yeah" Derek replied and finished scrubbing in.

When they got in, he saw that her face was covered, "And her face is covered because?"

Everybody in the OR looked awkward, how were they going to answer this?

"She's got some damage to her face…freaked out when she found out so we promised to cover her face" Alex blurted thing first thing in his mind out

Derek looked over at him as he put his overall on, "She's bald by choice, didn't give us her name but was conscious enough to be upset when she found out she had injuries on her face?"

Alex felt really stupid and didn't know what to say but was saved when one of the machines started beeping

"Doctor, her's BP's rising" one of the nurses called

"We need to start this now" Derek told everybody in the OR, forgetting the suspicious answers to the weird way he had found this patient, and immediately got to work.

XXX

After he had finished operating, he turned to Alex in the scrub room and said, "So, what were you not telling me about this patient?" he asked, "Why all the secrecy?"

Alex looked down at his hands and lied, "There's nothing secret…she's just vain…cares more about her looks than who she is"

Derek finished washing his hands but stayed where he was, "You're lying to me" he told Alex, "Karev, you're lying and I want to know why and what about"

There was a pause and Alex didn't know what to do or what to say

"What aren't you telling me?"

Alex looked him in the eye, "It's Meredith" he told him

XXX

The Chief stood at the nurses' station, looking into the room they had put Meredith in. Derek sat in the only chair, watching her.

Unsurprisingly, he'd been angry when he found out they'd deceived him and, how much the Chief had tried to explain, he didn't want to listen. But they had done what was best for Meredith, whether Shepherd was going to admit that or not, and the Chief was not going to apologise for that. It had been a long day, he was glad it was nearly over.

Bailey came up to him with a piece of paper in her hand. "Er, Chief, we've got some more test results back on Meredith. I think you might want to see this"

The Chief took the piece of paper from her and looked at it. "Why didn't we get this sooner?"

"Well, we weren't looking for it when we did our first blood test…and then the second test, the wider test, well, with all the people that are here at the moment, they got backlogged and we only just got them" Bailey explained

The Chief looked at her and sighed. "Well, we need to check on her again now we know this…make sure she's still stable and everything's alright"

Bailey entered her room and went to check her vitals. She didn't say anything to Derek and he didn't say anything to her.

After checking on Meredith, she then looked at him and said, "She's doing fine, you know"

"I know" he didn't change his gaze and continued to watch Meredith

"You don't have to be here" Bailey told him

"I do"

"Well, you might want to know this" Bailey told him, "We only just found out…but it hasn't affected her operation and I don't think it's affected her recovery"

She was about to pass him the test results when Rose came in.

"I guess dinner's off then" she said

Derek didn't look at her but replied, "I guess it is…sorry"

Rose sighed.

Bailey frowned and passed Derek the test results. "Dr Shepherd, we just got these now…there's a backlog downstairs"

And with that she left.

XXX

He stared at her, waiting for her to wake up. He was tired but that stopped mattering a while ago. The monitors beeped continually, rhythmically; he relied on them to do so. Her eyes began to flicker but he didn't move over to her. He might have done before but not now.

XXX

It was blurry when she woke up. It took her a few minutes to see properly and then, when she could, she realised she was in a hospital bed. She turned to the machines on one side of her and then turned her head to the other side. And she saw him.

He was staring at her; anger clear on his face.

"What am I doing here?" she asked, her voice raspy

"Were you going to tell me?"

She was confused. Tell him what? What was going on?

"What do you mean? Tell you what? What am I doing here? What happened? I… I …I don't understand" she looked scared and instead of asking her the same question again, he asked, "What's the last thing you remember?"

She frowned a little, thinking back and then replied, "Going into that building with Alex…did something happen to us…is Alex Ok?"

"Alex is fine" he told her, "But there was some falling rubble, and you got hit…not by a big bit, you were lucky…but you got hit badly enough for me to be the only one that could operate on you"

Listening to him, she couldn't remember being beneath the rubble or when it fell but she could remember feeling, all of a sudden, like she suddenly had something to lose, like another chance was something to value, like she was scared for the first time in two months. And then he said that he was the one who operated on her and she felt like crying because if he operated on her then it meant he no longer cared.

"Thank you" she whispered, "For operating on me"

He gave her a small smile, "I didn't know it was you…they hid your face and I told me you were a Jane Doe"

And she didn't want to cry any more.

"Am I going to be Ok?" she asked

He nodded, "Yeah, now you're going to be fine, now you've woken up, bar any complications but I don't think it's likely that there will be any"

She smiled, "Ok then"

And then that angry expression was back on his face, "So, were you going to tell me?"

"Tell you what?" she asked, now confused again

"You know" he told her

"Derek, I really don't know" she told him and looking into her eyes, he realised that she was telling the truth, she didn't.

He leaned forward in his chair, "Meredith, you're pregnant"


	3. Chapter 3

_thanks for the reviews...here's the next chapter...i hope you like it...just to add that the first bit is a flashback to before Derek told Meredith she's pregnant, it's why it's in italics._

_After Bailey had left, he didn't say anything but just stared at the results._

_"What do they say?" Rose asked, curious_

_"She's pregnant"_

_There was an awkward silence between them before Rose said, in a weak voice, "Well, it's probably not yours"_

_"She's nine weeks along" He said, "Which means that it is…it also means that she should know about it, which means that she has known and hasn't told me"_

_"Will she wake up?" Rose asked bluntly_

_He looked at her, for the first time she had come in, angrily. "That's rather direct"_

_"Well, I'm sorry but if she does then it means that this affects us but if she doesn't then we don't need to even think about this because it means she's not coming back and so neither is the baby"_

_He was surprised at how selfish she was being and it showed on his face._

_"Ok, that came out wrong" she said_

_"Well, how did you mean it to come out?" he asked, not angry, not sad, just curious_

_"I don't know…it's just, when we started going out, I knew you were still getting over her but when I found you in here, it was pretty obvious you hadn't done that yet and that's fine but now with this baby…I can't wait around forever for you to be over her and, honestly, now I'm starting to think you won't ever will, especially now she's having your baby." She told him, "So, I'm saving us both the effort of clinging onto something that clearly isn't meant to be…I just hope you manage to finally sort things out with her…whether or not it means that you end together, if not for your sakes then for your child's."_

_He gave her a smile, "See you around then"_

_"See you around" she said back and left_

XXX

"I'm pregnant?!" she looked up at the ceiling and the back at him, "Really?"

She couldn't believe it. This was huge, over-whelming.

"Yeah…nine weeks which begs the question how did you not guess something was up?" he asked

"I just didn't notice…I haven't really been myself…I…I never thought about it… I …I'm pregnant" she still didn't believe it, "I'm having a baby" she turned her eyes back to the ceiling

"We're having a baby" he corrected

She looked at him, "We are" she whispered

XXX

They had been staring at each other for about half an hour, just staring, each lost in their own thoughts. Then Meredith said, "So, what did Rose say when she found out?"

"Well, we broke up…she thinks I'm still hung up on you" Derek told her honestly

"Oh"

"Yeah"

There was an awkward silence, there seemed to be many of these today. Then Meredith asked, "Are you?"

He looked at her. He wanted to tell her that when he found out it was her, he felt like he was going to be sick. His hands had gone sweaty and he nearly had burst into tears. He couldn't stand the thought of losing her. Rose was right. He was still in love with her and he didn't think that was ever going to change.

"You remember the day after the Prom thing for the Chief's niece?" he asked, "When I came to your house?"

She nodded

"Do you remember what I said?"

"You said that you were in love with me and you'd always been" she replied, her voice soft

"I left something out" he told her

"What?" she asked

"I'll always be…it doesn't go away just because you're scared of committing or can't trust me or won't open up to me" his voice was quiet but she could sense conviction

"Derek?"

"Yeah"

"I'll always love you too" she told him, "And that doesn't go away just because you kissed a nurse or want to move our relationship 100 miles a minute without talking to me first or because you had a wife that you didn't tell me about"

"So what do we do?" he asked

"Well, I think, for our baby's sake as well as our own, we actually talk about this instead of arguing" she said, "Because I'm tired of losing you"

"I'm tired of losing you too"

They shared a smile

Then Derek said, "I promise to always be honest. I have no more secrets, nothing I'm hiding. I will always be honest and I will always be there. I promise you, I'm not going anywhere…you have to trust me"

"Do you promise to understand when I'm scared?…it scares me when you want to move forward…and I do too, but I'm scared…I am in this, you have to trust that, but I need you to understand that this is scary for me" Meredith told him

He nodded, "I understand it's scary…if you talk to me about it, I'll listen, I promise…and I'll do my best to try and make it less scary. Ok?"

"Ok"

There was a pause and then Meredith asked, "You do know that I want all you want, right?"

"What do you mean?"

"The kids, the house, marriage, a lifetime together…I want that…I just am scared"

"Because I didn't tell you I had a wife and before that it seemed perfect?"

"Yeah"

"But you trust me when I say I'm not going anywhere, not just because of the baby but because of you?"  
"I'm trying to" she looked at the ceiling again

"Trying to?"

"Yeah… I know what it's like to feel like I was going to lose you, only get little moments where I feel connected to you and because of that I'm trying to" she paused and looked at him, "I know you love me more than you loved Addison... I know you believe in true love…and that you believe that's what we've got"

"We do"

"We do" she repeated, "We do"

"How do you know all of this?" he asked

She bit her lip, "I don't want you to think I'm crazy"

"Trust that I won't…remember, trust me"

"Right, trust you" she said, "Right, Ok, here goes nothing…"

And she began to tell him about when she drowned, sharing something that she should have done ages ago. She was opening up to him and once she told him she felt so much better, she felt calm and she didn't feel like he was going to bolt.

"I don't think you're crazy" he said, "And I'm glad you told me…I'm glad you're opening up to me"

"Me too" she replied, "I think maybe this time we're going to make it work"

"Because you're trusting that I won't run away?"

"Yeah, because I'm trusting you and I'm trusting that you'll only go as fast as I can handle"

"I will only go as fast as you can handle" he repeated, "What can you handle at the moment?"

"Me and you dating nobody but each other…and preparing for when our baby is born"

"Ok, well, I'll get an OB-GYN to come down tomorrow" he said and smiled

She smiled back and then asked, "So, if you're my doctor, can you tell me when I'm going to get out of here?"

"Now you're awake? Three nights here and then you can go" he told her

"So, tonight and tomorrow night and the night after that and then I can go?" she asked

"As long as nothing goes really wrong" he replied

"Thanks for the vote of confidence"

He chuckled, "I doubt that anything will, you've woken up pretty quickly, that's a good sign and you're certainly chatty and seem to have most of your memory…you can go home in three days"

"And you'll take me home?" she asked

"And I'll take you home" he replied

XXX

The next morning, the OB-GYN came down and checked on Meredith and the baby.

"All seems fine and you can see your baby for yourselves" and she left them to look at the sonogram

Derek sat next to her on the bed and had his arm round her. "Wow" he whispered

"Yeah, wow" Meredith whispered too. She looked at him and bit her lip. How could she tell him how scared she was? How could she ruin his excitement? How could she seem like she wasn't ready to move forwards?

A tear escaped and rolled down her cheek.

"Hey, what's wrong?" Derek asked and wrapped his other arm round her slim frame

"I'm scared" she told him, "I'm scared to become a mother…it's such a huge thing"

He wiped away her tear, "You are going to be fine…and everybody is scared when they have a kid…everybody…I'm scared and I've wanted this for a while"

"You are?" she asked

"I am"

"That makes me feel better, thanks" she took a deep breath, "Sorry about that…hormones I guess"

He smiled, "Its fine… I'm glad you opened up"

She smiled back, "I'm moving forwards, we're moving forwards"

"We are"

XXX

He was checking on other patients when Cristina came to check on her.

"Nice bandages…you got any hair under them?"

Meredith shook her head, "Unfortunately not"

Christina chuckled, "I can't wait till they come off"

"Thanks" Meredith said sarcastically and then added, "I'm going to invest in head scarves until it grows back"

There was a pause

"I'm glad you're Ok"

"Me too"

"I hear you're pregnant" she said and sat down on her bed

"Yeah" Meredith smiled, "I am"

"And its McDreamy's?"

"Yeah"

"How did Minnie Mouse take that?"

"Minnie Mouse?"

"The nurse" Cristina told her as if it was obvious, "Do you not see the complete likeness between her and Minnie Mouse?"

"Well, now you say that…" Meredith said and burst out laughing for a second. "They broke up" she then told her, "And we're together"

Cristina frowned, "How together?"

"Together for good…just us…working on our relationship" Meredith told her

"Seriously?

"Seriously"

"And what about your abandonment issues?"

"I'm trusting Derek and opening up to him and he knows that this is what I want, to be with him"

"Ok, well good…I hope it works out" Cristina told her honestly

XXX

He was making his way back to Meredith's room when Cristina started walking up to him.

"Dr Yang"

"Don't hurt her…you have to promise that you will listen to her and trust her and help her because she's still got these issues…you might be back together but they haven't gone away. She needs to work through them and you have to make sure she does" she told him forcefully

He stopped. Her blunt honesty didn't surprise him but what she said shocked him. She was right.

XXX

She looked up and smiled as he came back into her room.

"Hey, I missed you" she said

He smiled back at her and sat down on the side of her bed. "Meredith" he began softly, "I…I was wondering…."

"Yeah?"

"Do you want to see a shrink, maybe?" he asked

She looked shocked

"Just to work through your issues" he added

"Oh, ummm" she didn't know what to say

"I understand if you don't but we both know you need to work through your issues" he said, softly

"Yeah, I do…maybe it's not a bad idea"

He pulled her into his arms and breathed her in. "It'll be fine"

"Yeah, I know" she whispered, "Now I've got you"

XXX

It was a few hours before she was going to leave and they were sitting in her hospital room. Derek was filling out some of her paper work for her while she told him the answers.

"Insurance number?"

She was about to answer when some interns came in, "Er, Dr Grey, we've got to change your bandages before you leave"

"Oh right, Ok" she said and looked at Derek, "Out, please"

"What?! Why?"

"Er, because I've got no hair under here and you're my boyfriend and I want you to think of me as beautiful not as a bald freak" she told him, "So, out"

"Meredith, I love you, hair or no hair" he told her softly

"I don't care…I'd feel embarrassed" she told him, "Indulge my rarely seen vain side, I'm pregnant with your child"

"So, it's my child now, not our child?" he asked, amused, as he stood up

"It's your child when I want you to do things" she told him and smiled, "Could you get me a soda?"

He sighed, "Do this, do that" he teased and left them room.

XXX

She sat up in bed, unable to sleep.

"What's wrong?" his voice cut through the silence

"Did I wake you?" she asked softly

"It doesn't matter" he whispered, "Now, what's wrong?"

Meredith rubbed her forehead, "I don't know"

"Scar's not hurting?"

"No" she replied, "Though I can't wait to get these damn bandages off"

"Then what's wrong?"

"I'm going back to work in a few days"

"And?"  
"I'm just wondering…"

"Wondering…"

"If I'll be Ok…working and being pregnant…I just don't want to end up stressing out the baby"

"I'll be watching over you every step of the way" he told her and pulled her towards him, "We're in this together…remember"

"Yeah…we're in this together…I like that" she whispered

"Me too"

She looked up into his eyes that shone in the darkness. "I feel safe" she voiced the only thought in her mind, "I feel safe with you"

He smiled, "I'm glad"


	4. Chapter 4

_ok, i'm NOT a freak that's overly obsessed with this and therefore updating lots in a short amount of time...basically, i'm craving chocolate, especially since i've just seen a jaffa cakes ad on tv, and i can't eat any...or sweets...damn it...anybody know how many days until lent's over?...ah! so to try and distract my mind from chocolate-y, sweet thoughts, i'm doing this...so far, it's not really working...half my mind's on this and the other half is dreaming of chocolate milk...mmmm. _

_anyway, LucinaLoveGrey, asked me why it is called No One's Gonna Love You. and i'm really really glad she did. it is the title of a song, an amazing, powerful, awesome song, by Band of Horses...go listen to it, and then you'll know why it's called No One's Gonna Love You._

Staring in the mirror, she sighed and began to unwind the head scarf she had been wearing for a month. Her hair had grown back but it was still short, too short for her to be happy with. She ran her hand through it and tugged it down to her ears. "Grow, damn it, grow" she willed.

Her pager buzzed and she looked down at it. It was Derek; he wanted to meet quickly before she had to go to her shrink.

Winding her scarf back round her head, she ran out of the bathroom and straight into his arms.

"There you are" he smiled and kissed her

"Hi" she said between kisses

"I got you this" he brought a chocolate bar from the pocket of his coat and placed it in her hands, "So you have something to munch on when she starts asking you awkward questions"

Meredith laughed, "Thanks"

She turned to go but he stopped her, "Meredith, I don't want to push you or seem overbearing or anything but if you want to talk about what happens in these sessions with me, you can"

She looked into his eyes. He was being so perfect ever since she'd left the hospital, it was amazing. And part of her did want to tell him everything but a little voice at the back of her mind whispered, "What if he freaks out when you tell him?"

She forced a smile, "I'll see how it goes today…maybe I'm ready"

He smiled back, "I hope so…but it's Ok if you're not"

She pecked him on the lips and made a mental note that this would be she would bring up today.

XXX

Sitting by the door, she waited for him to meet her. She smiled when she saw him and stood up, holding out her hand for him to take.

He grabbed it and squeezed it before saying, "Sorry…craniotomy took longer than expected"

"It's Ok…you're here now" she replied

It was raining, as per usual, when they got outside and he held his briefcase over her head as they ran to the car. He opened her door for her and she got in.

"How was your day?" he asked when he got in.

"Ok…I was on ortho which sucked"

"Carpentry" he said and she nodded in agreement.

"But Ok otherwise" she added

"Good"

The rest of the journey was quiet while she thought about her session with her shrink. She felt like she was making progress; they'd talked about why she was scared to talk to him about all her feelings and the sessions. Of course it all related back to her stupid abandonment issues.

When they had got back home and they were in the kitchen, choosing a pizza to order, she said, "I think I want to tell you about my sessions"

He looked up from menu, "You do?"

"Yeah…we're having a baby and we want to spend the rest of our lives together, we've established that…it's time that I stop worrying about you freaking out"

He was surprised, "I didn't know that's why you don't like to tell me things…do you really think I'll freak out"

"Well, I'm not exactly easy to be with" she told him honestly, "And I just sometimes wonder if you might think it's too much work being with me, if I tell you all my crap and everything"

"Your crap?"

"It's what Cristina calls it" she told him, now a little embarrassed that she used that expression.

He laughed.

She smiled at the sound of him laughing, "Well, anyway, I just don't want you to run away"

He gave her that sad smile, "You need to trust me"

"I know" she sighed, "But I'm still scared"

"You know something?" he told her, "It's harder being with you if you don't tell me things…trust that"

She smiled at hearing that and then took a deep breath, "Alright…I'm just really worried that I'm gonna be a horrid mother…like my mom"

"Meredith, you are the only person who can say what kind of mother you'll be" he told her, moving a piece of hair that was in her face out of the way

"I know…we've been working on that, my shrink and I…I'm learning" she replied

"What else do you talk about?" he asked, tentatively

"Apparently, I'm not only afraid of you leaving and just going away but I'm also afraid of you dying"

He was shocked to hear that and choked out a "Why?"

"Because when I was younger I thought my dad was dead" she told him, waiting for him to freak out even more

He looked down and asked again, "Why?"

"Well, when I was four he was there and then I turned five and a month or so later, he was gone…for good…and I wasn't allowed to talk about him. And then one day when I was nine I plucked up the courage to ask my mom how he died"

"And what did she say?" he asked, taking her hand and squeezing it

"She told me he wasn't dead, he was weak and I didn't need him, the only person I needed was myself" she replied, "Guess that explains why I don't like sharing"

"Well, I hate to disagree with the great Ellis Grey but you are not the only person you need…nobody's an island" he told her and smiled, "I like to think that you need me just like I need you"

She smiled back and hugged him, "I do need you" she whispered into his ear

XXX

It had been a month since Meredith had shared her fears with Derek and not only had things not gone bad like she had feared but they had actually got better. It seemed to her that Derek had been on edge fearing she wouldn't share and once she had, he was more relaxed. He was happier than she had seen him in a long time and so she was doubly happy herself, once for her and once for him.

She stood in front of the mirror in her bathroom and stared at her hair. She hadn't had hair shorter than her shoulders since she was going through her angry, pink hair stage and had cut it short and spiky (and dykey as some of the boys at school had chanted). Now it was below her ears but not nearly close enough to her shoulders.

"This is so not good" she said to herself, running her hand through it

"You look lovely" Derek's voice interrupted her thoughts and she turned to see him in the door.

"Hey, you" she smiled

"Hey, you back" he replied, "How's my boy today?"

"We won't know if it's a boy or a girl until this evening" she told him and went up on her tiptoes and kissed him, "Morning"

"Morning…I've got breakfast ready downstairs" he told her

"Mmmm, yum" she took his hand and they began to go down, "I was thinking, seeing as we're getting a lot of complaints, that we should spend the night at the trailer tonight...the Chief has gone"

"That sounds fine, the Chief did move" he replied and then added, confused, "What do you mean we're getting a lot of complaints?"

"Noise complaints" she told him as they entered the kitchen

"Noise complaints?"

"We are loud" she told him slowly

"Loud?" he repeated and sat down, "Loud?"

She sighed, "You know, _loud_"

"Oh!" he finally got it

"Yeah…so anyway, tonight at yours" she told him and sat down. He followed suit.

He nodded and wondered whether or not he should bring up the subject of what happens when the baby is born? Where do they stay?

Meredith put her hand on her bump absent-mindedly; unaware that he was watching her. He smiled. She was showing but only when her top strained against her stomach or if she put her hand there. He reached out over the table and touched it. She looked at him and smiled. "Don't forget…the appointment's at three"

"I won't forget"

XXX

She stood opposite the lift and waited for it to open and him to step out. He was cutting it close. Too close if you asked her. She looked at her watch and watched the hour hand get closer and closer to three.

Ten, Nine, Eight, Seven…any second they were going to call her name and she was going to have to go in alone…six, five…

She heard the elevator ping and looked up. The doors opened and out he stepped, an apology already coming out his mouth.

"Save the explanation, let's just get this done with" she told him.

"Dr Grey" the nurse called

"That's us" she said and grabbed Derek's hand

When they went in to the exam room, the doctor smiled. "How is it going, Dr Grey, Dr Shepherd…all well?"

Meredith smiled, bringing both hands to her bump "Yeah…the baby feels good…I think it's going well"

"Well, that is excellent to hear…why don't you hop onto the table and we can check it out" Dr Cole replied

Meredith lay down on the table and Derek sat by her side and took back a hold of her hand.

The doctor put some gloves on and began to do the ultra-sound.

Meredith let out a little gasp.

"You Ok, Meredith?" Derek asked, concerned

"Gel's cold" she replied

He chuckled

"Ok" Dr Cole said, as the baby showed up on the screen "Now, there we go…a clear picture of your baby"

"Of our son!" Derek smiled, "We're having a boy…I told you….a boy!"

"We are" Meredith smiled too, "Wow…a boy"

Derek leant over and kissed her, "This is great"

"Congratulations"

XXX

"So, you're having a boy" Cristina said as they sat together at the nurses' station, "What do you think of that….pleased? disappointed? Indifferent?"

"Well, if it was a girl, I'd be just as happy" Meredith told her

"So, indifferent?"

"Well, Derek is pleased so I guess I'm pleased for him"

"It's your son too"

"I know but he's the one who wanted it to be a boy…I didn't care either way" she told her

Izzie appeared in front of her, "Hey…how was the check up?"

"Our son is happy and healthy, thank you for asking" Meredith told her and smiled as Izzie literally jumped for joy

"A boy….oh, that's great…and he's healthy…perfect….you know, Mer, now we know what to buy for, we can go baby shopping!" she squealed.

"Izzie, I think I'll be doing that with Derek…so he can buy it all" Meredith said

"So much for being strong and independent" Cristina murmured

"I'm a resident…he's an attending…he makes more, he pays for more" she replied, "But, if you want, Izzie, maybe you and I could go buy some baby clothes…just nothing more"

"Oh, yahy…I can't wait" Izzie beamed before her pager went off

XXX

Sitting, waiting for Derek, Meredith finally had a chance to think about her day. She was having a boy. She smiled as she thought that. Now knowing that it was a boy, made her realised that the baby was coming soon. And they had nothing. No crib, no clothes, no diapers. But also no place. She knew that she couldn't keep living with Izzie and Alex…and sometimes Cristina. They'd end up hating the baby for destroying the little time they had to sleep. Plus, she'd spent the first five years of her life there and the memory of her mother still sometimes lingered in the halls and rooms. She didn't want her mother's presence to hang over her own motherhood. And besides, Derek had land. Lots of land. And views, more than one. And a lake and Doc was there.

"You seem lost in your thoughts" his voice interrupted her thoughts

She looked up and smiled, "Let's go to the trailer"

"Ok…there's just us…we'll be as loud as we want" he joked and wrapped his arm around her as she stood up.

XXX

They lay in bed, his arm around her, her leaning into his chest, him smelling her hair.

"I have to decide what speciality I want to do by the end of the week" she told him

"Who said that?" he asked

"Well, Bailey told me the Chief wants something to put down on paper for each of us by the end of the week…nothing definite but something to put down…as an idea" she replied

"And what are you considering?" he asked

"It's between plastics and neuro" she told him

"Well, not to sound biased but I would like you to know just how talented you are at neuro…best I've seen since me" he told her, stroking her hair

"You just want me to pick neuro so we can spend more time together"

"No…I want you to pick it because you are good…and because you can make more of a difference with neuro than plastics"

She turned her hair to face him, "I do like neuro"

"Go on…pick it…" he whispered

"Mmm, I'll think about it" she said, "I've got a week"

She leant closer to him and kissed him gently. She moved her position and wrapped her arms round her neck. He moved his hand down her back.

"We're all alone" he whispered

"We are" she whispered back


	5. Chapter 5

_i'm glad you're all enjoying this...well, i hope you are...your reviews seem to suggest so! this chapter is just a bit of fun!_

When she woke up, he wasn't there. She frowned. She knew sometimes he went fishing early in the morning but it normally was when he couldn't sleep and he had told her last week that now they were together and happy, he was sleeping better than ever. She pulled on a T-shirt of his and made her way into the "kitchen". On the table was a note, "Gone to get breakfast, back soon…you look adorable when you sleep, especially when you snore"

She chuckled and sat down. He'd probably be back soon but she wasn't sure what to do. Looking around she caught sight of a familiar tube. She pulled it over to her, opened it and brought out the house plans.

XXX

He opened the door and found her at the table, wearing his T-shirt, her back to him.

"You look better in that than I do" he told her and kissed the top of her head, not seeing what was on the table.

"I don't want this that big" she said and tapped the garage on the page

"What?" he said and leant over. "You're looking at the house plans…" he was surprised and pleased, mainly the latter. "You're looking at them"

"I am" she said, "I like it…it's nice but I don't want a huge garage…there's only us two, we don't need such a big garage…there won't be any other adults"

"No, there won't" he agreed, "If you want it smaller, that's fine" he said, keeping his joy hidden lest it scare her with its intensity.

"How many bedrooms?" she asked

"One for us, two guest rooms and five more" he told her

"Five more…you want five kids?" she asked, shocked

"No…I don't know" he protested, suddenly worried that she was freaking out, "No, it's just we might have three and then you get pregnant and have twins or something like that…it's just planning for the just in case"

" Well, why can't we substitute one of the guest rooms?"

"Because we need two….and I bet that at least one, if not two, of the other bedrooms will become a guest room"

"So five is just in case?" she asked

"Yeah, just in case"

"Well, when can we start getting this built?" she looked up at him, "I am having a baby in five months"

"You are" he smiled, "I can call the contractors today"

"Great"

"Great" he leant down and kissed her, "I think today is going to be a good day"

"Me too"

XXX

Derek stood on the bridge connecting one side of the hospital to the other and looked outside as he talked to his contractor. A month ago, they started building it. Everybody was pretty confidant it'd be complete before the baby came.

"Right, well that sounds fine…we might come over tomorrow and see how it goes" he said, "Bye then" and hung up

"Hey, you"

He turned around and saw Meredith and smiled, "Aren't you meant to be in the clinic?"

"I am meant to be but there was something I wanted to show you" she told him, a huge smile on her face

"What?"

She took his hand and put it against her stomach.

"Why are you doing that?" he asked, confused but then he felt a small, powerful kick. "Wow"

"Wow indeed"

"That's our son" he whispered, he looked as if nothing he had ever experienced was as amazing as this.

XXX

"So, what exactly do we need to get?" Meredith asked as they made their way down one of the aisles in the baby section of a department store.

"Everything" Derek replied, "Did you think we'd just be able to put the baby on a pillow and leave it there?"

She hit his arm, "Of course I didn't, I just don't think we need to get one of every item here?"

"So you want our baby to go without clothes?" he joked

"No!" she nudged him, "But I don't think he needs one of these, let's say" and she pointed to a bassinet

"So, where would he sleep?" Derek asked, confused

"How about in a crib?….he doesn't need to have a bassinet too" she told him

"Right, point taken…though I don't think people normally get both" he said

"And he doesn't need all these toys" Meredith said as they stopped in front of a huge display of toys

"Yes, why let him have fun with toys?" Derek asked sarcastically

Meredith hit him again

"Can we stop with the hitting?" he protested, "You're tiny, ineffectual fists have suddenly become much more effectual now you're pregnant"

"Look, all I'm saying is lets not be those parents that buy absolutely everything the stores have because everybody thinks that babies need all this crap…I'm sure all our friends will buy him toys anyway, why waste our money?"

"Because it's fun and we have money to waste and we love our son?" he suggested, as they walked over to the crib section

"But he doesn't need them!" Meredith told him

"You know, I think he might need a name" Derek broached, "I mean we can't call him, he or the baby for his whole life"

"We've got three and a half months…why rush it?" she asked

"Because knowing you, as soon as he's born, you'll be too busy trying to work out how exactly to change a diaper or fed him or burp him or bathe him to think about that" he told her

She stopped in front of a crib and turned round, "How about Son of McAss? Is that a good name?" she quipped angrily and then looked at the crib, "I like this one"

"I like it too" he said quietly, "And I'm sorry…I just meant we should start thinking about names"

"Not Derek Junior" she told him

"What's wrong with Derek?" he asked as they beckoned an assistant over

"Don't get me started" she told him and laughed at his face

XXX

"You bought all this and you're still going shopping with Izzie?" Cristina asked as they stood in the sitting room, surrounded by all the stuff Meredith and Derek has bought earlier that day.

"Well, we didn't get that many clothes today" Meredith told her, "Mainly baby furniture"

She sat down and looked down at her bump, "You are quite costly" she told it

"Oh, God, you're not one of those women, are you?" Cristina asked as she too sat down

"What women?"

"The ones who talk to their bumps because they think the baby can hear?" Cristina replied

"If you ever actually get round to having kids, you'll understand" Meredith told her, "Besides, Derek does and I feel that if he does, I have to as well"

Cristina pulled a face "Egh"

"Shut up!" Meredith protested, "Or I won't make you Godmother"

"This may come as a shock to you, but I don't actually believe in God" Cristina told her, "So, I'm not that bothered"

"You say that now" Meredith replied "But you'll be singing a different tune when he's born"

"I don't sing"


	6. Chapter 6

_ Liz86000- i think you're confusing this with another story, Meredith didn't have cancer, i doubt a baby would survive that. first chapter explains that. and Rose already knew about the baby, she and Derek broke up. second chapter has that. _

_thanks for all the reviews, enjoy this chapter_

About a month and a half later, in Meredith's seventh month, she was in the ER, hanging about for something good to come up. Her interns were standing annoyingly close and she, more irritable than normal, was about to yell at them to go do some damn sutures when she got paged to go meet an incoming trauma.

"At last" she breathed a sigh of relief, this boredom was getting too much.

"We've got an incoming" she told her interns and they grabbed some sterile tunics and ran to meet the ambulance.

"What have we got?" she asked as the doors opened up and they came out with a guy on a stretcher

"Possible head trauma, a drunk…he fell off a wall"

"A wall? What was he doing there?"

"Trying to get into his garden…got locked out…he's only told us his first name, Jack"

Meredith sighed, she hated drunk patients.

"Right, let's get him into an exam room" she told her interns as they put the spluttering man onto a gurney

They wheeled him down the corridor and she started quizzing them on what they should be looking out for.

As soon as they were in an exam room, she started to assess him but he wasn't having it.

"Get off me" he mumbled and tried to sit up.

"Jack, we've got to check you over" she told him, "Can you lie back for me, please?" and she gently pushed him back  
"No, get off me" he said more forcefully

"Jack…"

"No!" he yelled and he pushed her hands off him

She looked at one of her interns, "Get me some restraints"  
Hearing this, Jack leapt up and crashed into her, sending her to the floor. She hit her head on the wall and everything went black.

XXX

Staring at her in the hospital bed, he couldn't believe he thought he might have lost her. Thankfully the injury to her head was very minor and she should wake up soon. They had got an OB-GYN to look at the baby. "He seems Ok now but we should wait and see…sometimes these things only appear later"

Wait and see. Great. That calmed his nerves down….not.

He took her hand and rubbed the back of it. Wake up, wake up, he said to her in his mind.

As if she had heard him, she murmured and turned to face him, opening her eyes.

"What happened?" she asked

"You fell and hit your head…something about a drunk patient" he told her softly

"Jack" she whispered and then realised, "How's the baby?" she asked, panicking

"He's Ok for now" he replied, "Dr Cole says we have to "wait and see"…not exactly helpful for peace of mind"

"No" she whispered

He stood up from the chair that he had placed close to her bed and moved even closer. Placing a small kiss on her forehead, he inhaled her scent and then crouched down.

"I got scared I'd lost you" he told her, a small smile on his face, "I'm so glad you're Ok"

She smiled back

"Meredith" he began softly, "When I was staring at you, waiting for you to wake up, I thought about how scared I was when I got that page…your fall only caused a minor injury but before I knew that I was terrified…and as I watched you, I thought about how much there is for us to do and how much we would have missed out on if you had…if you had something more serious…something fatal…I wouldn't have had the chance to propose, to call you my fiancée, to stand up in front of our friends and marry you, to call you my wife, Mrs Shepherd, Dr Shepherd or refer to you as the mother of my child or children…and that scared me…the thought of possibly missing out on that…but knowing you're going to be Ok…it makes me want to make sure that doesn't happen, that I don't miss out on that…" he changed his position so he was on one knee, "Marry me" he told her, "And I promise I'll spend the rest of my life trying to make you as happy as you make me"

She smiled, "Derek…" she whispered, and she tugged on his hand so that he stood up and pulled him close to her, "I love you"

"I love you too"

"And I am not saying no…please note that…I just need sometime to think about taking this step, this huge step, before saying yes…Ok?...But I am not in the slightest saying no"

He looked into her eyes and saw the intensity in which she stressed that she was not saying no…he saw how much she cared for him and also how this step was scaring her. He thought back to the girl who had to fight not to run away when he told her he wanted to marry her only a year ago and he realised that he couldn't be angry for her needing to think about this, in fact it made him love her more for being so honest and for wanting to give it thought before rushing ahead with something that she might not be ready for.

"Thank you…thank you for thinking about it…thank you for not saying no" he told her and stroked her head gently, "When you are ready to say yes, I'll be here"

"Thank you" she whispered

He leant down and kissed her. "How's our boy doing?" he asked

Meredith bit her lip and put her hand to her stomach. "He feels Ok at the moment but I'm still worried"

"Me too" he said and put his hand on top of hers

XXX

He got pizza and brought it in for them to eat instead of hospital food. She laughed when he came in. "What a nice surprise" she said.

Sitting next to her on the bed, eating Chinese, he felt at peace. They talked about all sorts of things, things they had both been too tired to talk about in the past couple of months. He felt like on some level they were still reconnecting and it was nice.

It was when he was clearing away the box that she suddenly let out a scream. He turned round immediately and ran to her bed. Her arms were wrapped around her stomach and she let out "The baby" before screaming again. He lifted the blanket and saw all the blood.

"Nurse, page Dr Cole, stat" he yelled

Almost immediately doctors and nurses were swarming around her and she was still screaming in agony.

"Let's get her to the OR" Dr Cole said, "We're either going to stop this or have an early delivery"

They began to undo all the plugs and wires that would hold her back and she grabbed his hand, "Yes, Derek" she told him, her voice firm, "I will marry you"

"Really?" The fear he had been feeling was now inter-mingled with joy at hearing her say that

They began to wheel the bed away but she ordered them to stop, "I'm your fiancée" she told him

"You're my fiancée" he agreed

"Now you've had a chance to say it" she told him as they started to wheel her away.


	7. Chapter 7

_thanks for all the reviews! i'm sorry about the pizza/chinese thing...i only realised after i posted it...opps_

_here's the next chapter. enjoy!_

When she woke up, he was staring at her and she was back in the hospital room.

"What happened?" she asked and her hands went to her stomach.

"They had to do a c-section" he told her and went and sat on the edge of the bed. "Our son is beautiful" he told her softly

She smiled, "Where is he?"

Pain flashed across his face, "Because you were only in week 30, he's very small…they heard a heart murmur and opened him up, his heart is tiny …they are working on it right now and Hahn's working on him, Bailey's assisting even though it's not her speciality, she insisted…" he told her in a hushed voice, "But he did cry when he came out…that's a good sign"

Meredith nodded a little and then asked, "Why aren't you with him?"

"They kicked me out" he told her, "I tried to stay with him but…well, you know they hate that kind of stuff"

Meredith nodded again. She bit her lip and tears rose in her eyes and whispered, "I'm scared"

"I'm scared too" he told her and took her hand

"I hope they come talk to us soon" she said and he nodded and then asked, tentatively, "I know this might be a really inappropriate time to ask…but I need to know.." she looked into his eyes as he continued, "Did you only say yes to getting married because you thought you might die?"

She could see in his eyes how scared he was that she would say yes. And she wanted to be honest but she didn't know how much the truth would hurt him.

"Honestly…." She began, "When they started taking me away, as stupid as it sounds, I did think I might die and I realised that if I did I wouldn't have had the chance to marry you and I wanted at least to be able to be your fiancée if I did and that if I didn't die, I didn't want to spend time waiting to be ready to get married…I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you…I might not be ready but I don't care, I want to marry you"

He smiled, "I think that means you're ready" he replied and kissed her gently, "I'm glad you're Ok…I just wish I could say the same for our boy"

"Me too"

XXX

After a while, Dr Bailey came in with a wheelchair. "Your son's doing well" she told them, "We've managed to insert a shunt…and his heart will grow…but you can go see him now"

She brought the chair to the bed for Meredith, who looked at Derek and said, "Go…go to him now…it's going to take me a while to get into that chair and he needs his father"

After kissing the top of her head, he left, running. She saw him run down the corridor and to the stairwell; clearly he wasn't going to wait for an elevator.

She smiled and slowly started to get out the bed, helped by Bailey. She winced as she felt the stitches stretched slightly but was determined to get to her son as quickly as possible.

XXX

Doctors and nurses alike jumped out of his way as he ran down the corridors, through automatic doors. He had to get to his son; he had to see this through. He made it there and burst through the doors of the NICU and over to the plastic box, the incubator, that had a sign reading in big, bold letters "Grey-Shepherd Baby". His son.

XXX

She could see him standing over an incubator as they neared the NICU. He turned to her when hearing the doors open. He was beaming.

"He'll be alright" he told her as Bailey stopped the wheelchair by him and left to go. "He'll be alright" he repeated, "our son"

Meredith put her hand in the opposite side to where Derek's hand was. She touched her son's tiny hand with her finger and he gripped it tightly. She looked up at Derek, "I think you're right" she told him, "He'll be alright"

After a while, there was a little gathering at the window of the NICU. Izzie was staring through the glass, grinning almost as much as Derek. George looked over-whelmed and Alex had a similar expression. Cristina's face was expressionless but her eyes met Meredith's and she gave her a smile and mouthed, "McBaby". Mark was there too, a big smile on his face. He was shouting something about his godson to the people around and Meredith couldn't help but laugh a little.

"We're quite popular" she told him and Derek looked over too. He smiled at Mark and the Chief. Bailey and Hahn were there too and he made a mental note to thank them when he could tear himself away from his son. Callie was there in the background, smiling and saying something that made others nod. He could see Lexie there and saw her smile and point and say something to one of her friends. He read her lips and saw the word "nephew". She and Meredith had become closer and closer in the past year and he was sure that she would be a part of their son's life. He looked at his friends one last time before looking down at his son.

"He's the most famous baby in the hospital" he told Meredith who nodded in agreement and added, "He'll probably end up with an ego to envy his father's"

Derek laughed a little. "Well, that's only because he'll be as talented as I am"

Meredith just replied with a disinterested "Mmm" and they left it at that.

Looking up later, they saw more people had turned up, people they didn't know that well. It seemed that news had gone round that hospital that Grey and Shepherd had had their baby early, a dramatic birth to match their parents' dramatic relationship. Perhaps the hospital that had seen the start of their relationship, as well as the many temporary stops on it, just wanted to see the results, the culmination of the birth of their son. Their baby boy…their…

"We don't have a name for him" Derek commented after hours of just staring

"No" Meredith agreed, "We don't"

"Do you have any ideas?...we didn't get very far the last time we brought up names"

"That's because you wanted to go with boring names like John or Daniel" she told him

"Well, at least I had ideas" he told her

She ignored his comment and looked up at the window again. Most people had gone, including most of their friends but Mark and Izzie were still there.

"Invite them in" she told him, "Let them meet him…and page Cristina"


	8. Chapter 8

_thanks for all the reviews...here is the next chapter, i hope you like it...it's the last one that's going to be up for a few days...enjoy_

"Call him Christopher" Cristina said, "After me"

"No" Derek immediately replied, "We are not naming our son after you"

"Call him Mark" Mark said, "After _me_"

"No" Meredith immediately replied, "We are not naming our son after you"

"Why not?" Mark asked, "I'm offended"

"Because we don't want our son to think he should grow up like you and turn into a manwhore" Meredith told him. Mark chuckled.

People gave them all kinds of suggestions. The Chief said he needed a strong name, not very helpful but there we go. Bailey said that when they got the right name, they'd know. Again, not very helpful in finding the name. Alex suggested that they name him after the guy who's saved his mom's life before she even knew she was pregnant, i.e. him. They muttered something about maybe he gets the middle name to which Mark protested. George gave them a book of names. They thanked him but it was so big that they weren't sure they would get round to looking into it.

After a while, Meredith started yawning.

"You need to sleep" Derek to her

"Mmm" she ignored him and continued staring at their son, "I could stare at him all night"

"Well, you can't…you've had an operation too…you need your sleep"

He took the handles of the wheelchair she was in and started wheeling her back to her room. "You can see him in the morning" he told her, "But he needs you to get well quickly…as do I"

She couldn't argue with that and so didn't protest.

When they got back to her room, he helped her into her bed and stood awkwardly. She stared at him, waiting for him to either sit down or go but he didn't seem to know what to do.

"Go…go be with him…he shouldn't spend his first night alone" she told him

He gave her a quick kiss and whispered, "I'll be back before you wake up" and went to be with their son.

She lay back and after a while gave way to the tiredness that wracked her body.

XXX

A week later and they could finally all go home. Baby Oliver was growing quickly and there had been, miraculously, not complications from the operation. Finally able to hold him, Meredith couldn't put him down and whenever she eventually had him over to his father, he was the same.

Derek came to pick them and wheeled them out to the car as Meredith cooed at the baby.

"Hey, Olly" she whispered, "We're going home now" she looked up at Derek, "Shame the house isn't ready"

"Mmm" he agreed and stopped at the car, "Do you want to sit in the back with him?" he asked Meredith who was still looking at the baby and didn't hear she was so enthralled. "I'll take that as a yes" he answered his own question.

When they were on the road, Meredith was busy looking at the baby and didn't realise that they weren't on the way to her place until much later.

"Umm, Derek, are we going to the trailer?" she asked, "It's just that all he's stuffs at my place" she told him

He didn't answer but instead asked, "How's he doing back there?"

She looked down and smiled at the baby, "He's doing great, aren't you, Olly?" she paused and then looked up at Derek in the rear-view mirror, "I've turned into one of those women"

"What women?"

"The ones that talk to their babies as if they will answer them back"

"Well, one day, he will" Derek told her.

She continued to stare at the baby until the car stopped. They were somewhere on his land.

"Derek, what are we doing here?"

He didn't say anything but instead opened the back door and helped her out. She picked up Oliver from his car seat and followed him round some trees. She was met with the most amazing view of Seattle on one side. This was where their house was being built except it wasn't being built anymore. She gasped.

"It's finished?"

"They called me the day after Oliver was born and said that it was finished- amazing I know, I was really surprised but they did have a lot of men working on it. I got Mark, Cristina, Alex, Izzie, Lexie and George to help…it's furnished."

He went up the steps to the front door and opened it with a key before going to offer his hand as assistance up the steps.

"I can't believe it…it's all done?" she asked

"You'd mentioned the colors you wanted in each room so I went from there and…."

They walked into the hallway and he led her into the living room. Not only had he furnished it and got their friends to paint it but on the mantelpiece were pictures and frames. She recognised ornaments from her old home and cushions and a lamp too.

"The nursery's room is blue" he said "And all the stuff we've bought is in there….plus some presents from the others"

"You've done everything" she whispered, shocked and then turned to him, "So, show us the rest" and gave him a big smile.

She sat down on their bed in their room.

"I can't believe you did all this" she told him, "And in a week"

"We've got really good friends" he told her and she nodded in agreement and then looked at the baby in her arms, "Well, I guess I can put him down for his nap now"

She went into the nursery that was attached to their room and Derek followed and watched as she put their son down.

"He's so tiny" she commented

"He'll grow…he'll be tall when he's older, I tell you."

Meredith smiled amused and looked up at her fiancé, "What now?" she said

"Whatever you want" he replied and placed his lips gently on hers.


	9. Chapter 9

_thanks for all the reviews...here's the next chapter...hope you enjoy!_

7 years later

Derek leant against the back wall of the elevator, waiting for it to get to the ground floor. He was exhausted, really exhausted. It had been one hell of a day.

The doors opened and he and the rest of the people inside spilled out. He checked his watch. It was 8. He was meant to have been done by 5 but with the car crash victim that came in at the last minute, he'd been kept back.

He smiled as he saw Meredith approach him. She was carrying Josh, who was leaning against her shoulder, sleeping, and Anna who was carrying a picture. Olly was trailing behind her.

"Hey" she said as he leant over and kissed her.

"Hey" he took Anna from her arms, "Hello, Princess, what you got there?"

"Picture" she said and wrapped her arms around his neck

"Hey, Olly" he greeted his son, "How was school?"

"Ok" Olly replied, "I got a gold star in Math"

"Well done" Derek ruffled his dark hair and took his hand as they started to walk to the car

When they were on their way home, kids quiet in the back, he looked over at Meredith, "I'm sorry for being late"

"It's fine" Meredith told him, "I took the kids to that burger place…they were getting hungry"

He looked back at Joshua, "When did he fall asleep?"

"Just after he finished his chicken nuggets" Meredith told him

Anna started humming in the back and Derek smiled and glanced at Meredith before setting his eyes on the road again.

They'd gotten married a couple of months after Olly was born and Anna was a product of a lot of Jamaican rum, a honeymoon suite and their first week alone without having to get up in the middle of the night. Unlike Olly, who'd been born prematurely and with a tiny heart, she arrived after 9 months. It had been very hard juggling a one year old and a newborn with their demanding jobs but with some maternity leave and their friends helping out they'd made it work. Despite his traumatic birth, Olly was a healthy kid. He looked exactly like his father so much so that when Derek's mother brought over some old photos it was scary to see the likeness. Anna, on the other hand, looked just like her mother. For a couple of years, it was just Olly and Anna and then, when Anna was nearly 3 and Olly 4, Meredith discovered she was pregnant with Joshua. She wasn't sure if they could handle it. But when she told Derek, he promised her they'd be able to. A couple of months after he was born, they decided to get a nanny. Though Meredith felt a little like she was giving up, Derek assured her that it was perfectly normal and a good idea. And it paid off. Besides, both Meredith and Derek tried to spend as much time as possible with their children.

Derek pulled the car into the drive and got out. He pulled Anna, who was half asleep, into his arms and let Olly out. On the other side, Meredith gathered Josh into her arms and shut the door.

The nanny had cleaned the house; they noticed when they got inside. She'd left a note on the table by the door.

Silently, they all went upstairs. Meredith took Josh into his room and started to get him ready for bed while Derek took Anna into her room.

Once they'd put them all to bed and said good night, they went downstairs.

"Mmm, there's some leftover pizza" Meredith said, staring into the fridge, "Or some pasta salad"

Derek pulled a face, "I'll cook something"

Meredith smiled, "Fine by me, I'll sit here and drink wine"

He began chopping up an onion while she poured them each a glass of wine. He kept stealing her glances and thought about bringing up something that had been on his mind for a while.

"What?" she asked after a while

"Huh?"

"Why do you keeping looking at me?"

Derek started frying up some vegetables, "No reason"

"I know you" she told him "I might be tired but I'm not off….what is it?"

He said nothing but instead finished cooking. It was only once they were sitting at the table that he said anything.

"What do you think about having another kid?"

Meredith laughed

"I'm serious"

She dropped her fork and looked at him, "We've got 3 and you want another"

"Yes"

"Seriously?"

"Why not? I love the kids we've got and I love being a dad… and 4 is a nice round number"

"You want to have more kids because 4 is a nice round number?"

He smiled and laughed a little, "Ok, that's not the only reason why I want more kids"

"What is?"

He put down his fork, "Honestly, I don't know…Olly's getting older, so is Anna…and Josh is 3, he isn't a baby any more"

"So you want another?"

He smiled, "I do…come on, don't you think it's great having a baby in the house? And it's not like we can't afford it…come on"

She looked into his eyes and could see how badly he wanted this. "I'll think about it" she said

He leant across the table and kissed her on the lips, "Thank you"

They spent the rest of the evening talking about work and the kids. They were getting ready for bed when they heard Anna.

"Mommy…Mommy…Daddy…"

They opened the door to find her standing in the hallway, crying

"What's wrong, Princess?" Derek picked her up and brought her into their room

"It's gonna get me!" she told him and wrapped her arms round his neck and buried her face into his neck

"What's that, sweetie?" Meredith asked

"The bogeyman" she sobbed

Meredith rubbed her back and took her into her arms, "Why doesn't Daddy go check your room for you?"

Derek smiled and went off to "check" while Meredith comforted their little girl.

When he came back, he promised Anna that there was nothing in her room and they carried her back to her bed.

They tucked her in and kissed her on the forehead. As they were leaving she whispered, "I love you, Mommy, I love you, Daddy"

"Love you too, Princess"

"Love you too, Anna"

They shut her door and went back into their room. After they'd finished getting ready for bed, they got into bed.

Derek turned off the last light on and put his arm around Meredith and pulled her close to him.

He started kissing her neck when she said, "Ok"

"Ok?"

"Let's have another baby"

He looked into her eyes, "Really?"

"Yeah, I think I want another one"

He smiled, "And you know it's going to be fun making it"

She laughed, "Yeah, I guess it will be"

He went back to kissing her neck, "I'll show you "I guess"…"


	10. Chapter 10

_thanks for the reviews...on the whole kids thing, didn't realise that some people would be happy with 3...yes, i'm a freak of nature who wants loads of kids when i'm older blushes severly... _

The next day, Meredith was sitting in the cafeteria with Cristina and Izzie.

She opened her can of soda before saying, "Derek asked me if I wanted to have more kids last night"

Izzie smiled, "What did you say?!"

While Cristina snorted, "I hope you said no, I've had enough of your brats as it is"

"Brats?"

"Ok, fine, darling angels"

"I said Ok"

Izzie squealed, "That's great"

Cristina took a bite of her cookie, "So, you've basically just told us that you're having sex, which we, and the whole hospital, pretty much know anyway…in fact all you've told us is that now there's no protection involved"

Meredith hit Cristina, "Whatever"

XXX

2 weeks later

She was standing at the nurses' station, looking at a chart, when he wrapped his arms around her waist and started kissing her neck.

"Derek, I'm working"

"So? I can do this while you look at the chart…mmm, tumour in the frontal lobe…interesting"

"Seriously…stop hovering"

"I'm not hovering…this isn't hovering, if you want me to show you hovering, I'll take you to the on-call room"

"We're trying for a baby, we'll be having sex tonight at home, so you don't need to take me to the on-call room now"

He laughed, "If we're trying, we need to be having sex more than once a day"

"It's been two weeks since we've decided to have another baby and we've been having sex at least twice a day"

"So, doesn't mean we can't go for three"

"Well, not today" Meredith said decisively

Derek laughed, "Why not?"

"Because Mr Smith has a tumour that needs removing and preferably today"

"Doesn't mean we can't have sex beforehand"

"He's been prepped right now, I'm scrubbing in at 3…that's in 5 minutes"

"So, tell your interns you need 5 more minutes and we'll be done"

Meredith turned round to face Derek and raised her eyebrow, "Ten minutes?"

"Ten minutes"

"I don't believe you"

Just as Derek was about to tell her that he prove it, one of the interns ran up to the station, "Dr Shepherd…"

They both looked at him

"Dr Grey-Shepherd…Mr Smith's blood pressure is rising…he needs to go into the OR now"

Meredith ran off and Derek was left shaking his head, "You'll never know now" he called after her

XXX

They were sitting round the table, eating dinner, when Oliver asked, "Dad, can you come speak in class next week?"

Derek smiled, "About what?"

"About being a brain doctor"

"Brain surgeon" Meredith corrected

"Yeah, that"

"Why don't you want your mom to speak?"

"Cause you've been doing it longer" Olly said as he picked up some pieces of pasta with his fingers and ate them one by one

"Oh…sure…what day?"

"Friday"

Derek stood up and went into the hallway and came back with his pocket organiser, "Sorry, kid, Friday's no good"

Olly looked disappointed for a moment and then turned to his mother, "Can you do Friday?"

Meredith got her organiser from the kitchen counter and looked, "Sorry, I can't either"

Oliver put down his fork and stood up, "It's not fair!" he yelled, "You guys are never around-you suck!"

He ran upstairs and there was silence. Then Anna said, "I thought that we couldn't say that"

Meredith was washing up when she asked Derek, "I am a bad mother?"

He sighed, "No…neither of us are bad parents…we just have demanding jobs"

"So why do I feel like I'm being exactly the kind of mother mine was?"

"Olly's just pissed off that we can't do that school thing…give him a bit more time and he'll come down to apologise for yelling"

"But, Derek, he's kind of right…we are never around" She turned to face him

"We do the best we can" he stood up and put his arms on her shoulders, "And it's not like the kids don't reap the benefits…top schools, best toys, nice clothes…and we take holidays whenever we can…and you don't forget that once Olly was born we made sure we were around more…he's just angry that neither of us stay at home 24/7...most of his friends' moms are housewives"

"Yeah…I guess you're right" Meredith gave a small smile.

He put his hand under her chin and tipped it up to face her, kissing her lips gently.

"You are a great mother to our 3 kids and you'll be same with our next one"


	11. Chapter 11

_here's the next UD...i know that there isn't much drama atm but there will be more, at the moment, it's more setting the scene for later drama if that makes sense. anyway, enjoy_

It was a Sunday morning when Meredith turned over in bed and kissed sleeping Derek's neck and whispered into his ear, "I'm pregnant"

He woke up immediately as if somebody had poured water on him, a huge smile on his face, "Really?"

"Really?"

He pulled her into his arms and kissed her before asking, "When did you find out?"

"I thought I might be a couple of days ago and yesterday, when I was doing my short shift at the hospital, I got Cristina to draw some blood"

"Cristina was there?…I thought she worked nights on Saturday"

"She practically never leaves" Meredith told him, "And anyway, that's not important"

Derek smiled, "No, it isn't…why didn't you tell me yesterday?"

"Well, when I got back, I had stuff to do with the kids…Olly had some English to do and Anna wanted to read a book together and Josh was desperate to go on the jungle-gym…and then I got caught up in stuff…eventually, I just thought it would be best to tell you today"

"Well, I'm thrilled"

"Me too"

XXX

Their first appointment with the OB-GYN told them that Meredith was 8 weeks along. After, they sat in the cafeteria looking at the sonogram.

"It's going to be ages before it's born" Meredith complained

"It'll be worth the wait" Derek told her

Meredith smiled, "I know that"

Derek looked down at the sonogram, "When do you want to start telling people?"

"I dunno…I think we should wait for a bit to tell the kids" she said, "I don't really mind when we tell the others…Cristina already knows"

"When did you tell her?"

"Well, I asked her to draw blood, I had to tell her why…and then she asked what the results were when I got them back"

"So you told her before you told me?" Derek asked, "I can't believe you told her before me"

Meredith looked at him with her eyebrow raised, "Seriously"

"All I mean is it would have been nice to know about the impending birth of my child before anybody else" Derek told her

"And how many people knew about me being pregnant with Olly before I did?" Meredith asked

"Point taken"

Meredith smiled, "I knew you weren't really upset"

She leant over and kissed her husband.

XXX

"So, apart from me and McDreamy, who've you told?" Cristina asked as she munched a sandwich

"Nobody yet" Meredith replied absentmindedly as she held up a film to the light

"Well, are you going to?"

"Going to what?" Izzie asked as she sat down

"To tell people she's pregnant" Cristina said

Meredith looked over annoyed while Izzie jumped in her seat, "This is so exciting! Another baby!"

Meredith smiled, "Thanks"

"Why aren't you more excited?!" Izzie asked excitedly

"Yeah, Mer, why aren't you more excited?" Cristina asked sarcastically

Both Izzie and Meredith looked at Cristina and made a face before Meredith looked at Izzie and told her, "I am excited but I've know for a few days and plus I've been pregnant three times before, I've done this whole thing before, I know what to except…"

"So have I" Izzie interrupted, "It doesn't mean that I don't get excited when I get pregnant"

"That doesn't count" Cristina put in, "You're in neo-natal, it's your job to get excited whenever there's a pregnancy about, your own or otherwise"

"A pregnancy about?" Izzie asked, looking at her, "It's not like some kind of problem"

"Maybe not from your point of view" Cristina muttered

"Anyway, when are you due?" Izzie asked, "And who's your doctor and why aren't I?"

"Dr Cole, she delivered Olly, Anna and Josh and I'd rather not have you as my doctor" Meredith explained

"Because?"

"Because after the baby's born, you'd have to go back to being friends and she'd find that odd if you've been delivering her kid a couple of hours beforehand" Cristina told her, "You know, having seen her all gross and in labour and stuff"

"I work with women who've seen me "all gross and in labour and stuff" and I don't care" Izzie told her

"Well, that's different"

"How?"

"Because you work with them, it doesn't mean they're your friends" Cristina said

"Well, they are" Izzie told her

"It's still different"

"Whatever, you just don't like to admit you're wrong"

Neither had noticed that Meredith had already disappeared

XXX

"I heard McDreamy knocked you up again" Alex told Meredith as she scrubbed out of a surgery and he scrubbed in

"Who told you that?" she asked, ignoring his phrasing

"Izzie, who else? She couldn't shut up about how "awesome" it is and how now she thinks she wants another one. Besides it's all over the hospital?"

"It is?"

"Well, most people know"

"And who is "most people"?"

"Me, George, Lexie…I think Sloan knows, Hahn, she hears everything…Bailey, she knows everything…I think the nurses do…everybody"

Meredith started drying her hands, "I get the point"

"Well, anyway, congrats"

Meredith smiled, "Thanks" and left the scrub room and bumped into Derek

"Hey, apparently everybody knows I'm pregnant, without me even telling them"

Derek laughed, "Yeah, Mark congratulated me for knocking you up"

Meredith smiled, "Alex said the same thing"

"That I knocked you up?"

She nodded, "Makes it sound so High School"

He leant down to kiss her, "We should tell the kids sometime soon"

"Mmm, I guess"

XXX

It was only when Meredith reached her second trimester that they decided to tell the kids. Over dinner one night, Derek asked, "So, kids, we have something to tell you"

They looked at him and Olly asked, "Are we getting a dog?"

"No"

"Are we going on holiday?" Anna asked, "To Disneyland?"

"No"

"Is Grandma coming?" Josh asked

"No"

"What?" Anna asked

"Well" Meredith started, "In five months, you are going to have a new little brother or sister"

Anna clapped her hands, "Can it be a sister?"

"A brother" Josh said, "I want a brother"

Meredith and Derek looked at each other and smiled and then Derek asked, "Olly, what do you think?"

Oliver leant against the back of the chair, "Does this mean that you are going to spend even less time with me?"

There was silence.

Meredith put down her fork and went to crouch by her son, "Do you think we don't spend enough time with you?"

Olly nodded, "Sometimes I wish you spent more time with me…on the weekends…I mean, I know you've got to work during the week but you both work on Saturday too"

"Well, we work for shorter on Saturday…but I guess we could see about cutting down how long we work…what do you think, Derek?"

Derek nodded, "Yeah, I'll see what we can do about that…Olly if you felt this way, you should have said something"

"I tried" he told him, "But nothing happened"

"Look, we're not going to lie, things will change when the baby is born…but we'll always make time for you" Derek told his son

Meredith gave the small boy a hug, "We'll always be here you"


End file.
